How comfortable are you with asking for what you are worth? Do you know what you are worth? Do you ask for raises at your job? Do you know how to ask for a raise? Or are you a freelancer and do you know what to charge? How do you feel about speaking up and owning it when it comes to money?
Stay tuned for more info. In the meantime, save the dates. Mark your calendars! It’s going to be an amazing 2018! All events are on the 3rd Wednesday each month except for November and December. I switched them to the 2nd Wednesdays so they are not too close to the holidays. I'm looking out for you and your busy schedule. I got you. ;)
"Well... I had a long day."
"I'm really tired."
"This weather (or traffic or public transit) was shit today."
"I'll deal with it tomorrow or Monday or after summer or in the new year."
"I don't have time right now."
"I'll deal with it later."
"I guess this is just the way it is."
"I don't wanna..."
"It's too hard."
"I don't know how."
"It's too much money."
"It's out of my comfort zone."
That dreaded fear. It holds us back from trying new things. It stops us from doing things. It's debilitating. FEAR - of failure. What if I fail and it doesn't work out? FEAR - of success. What if I succeed and I don't know what to do? FEAR - of the unknown. For me, that's the scariest of them all. The unknown? What? Who wants to deal with not feeling secure in our choices? That sucks.
CONFIDENCE: When we have it, we feel on top of the world. Like nothing can stop us. Then it has the ability to disappear in a heartbeat. We can't be confident all the time. That's not how these things work. Some days we have it. And some days we don't.
DOUBTS: Yeah, they suck. But here's the deal, we ALL have them. We ALL have that moment of questioning ourselves and what we are doing. Relationships. Jobs. Love. Life. I don't know, EVERYTHING!
AGING. Yep, we all do it. Yet sometimes we don't want to do it nor do we want to admit our age. Whatever age we are, we ask the question - When did this happen?! or How did this happen?! And we all age differently. While we all do it, many of us "fight" the aging process. At least that's what society wants women to do. How many products are out on the market that are anti-aging? Why are we "fighting" the aging process?! It's like keeping a tree from growing. What's up with that? And that word "fight," it invokes this feeling that we have to be mad at aging. Then from mad, we get angry. Then after we are angry, we start the fight. All I can picture is waving my fists crazily in the air.... at nothing. Because aging just is. It's a thing that happens. That we do. And hey, I get it. I buy the creams and potions and lotions too. I'm part of this society.
Should I do it? Should I not? Well... maybe. I don't know. I want to. But what if it doesn't work out? What if I don't like it? What if it was a waste of time? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I fail? What if. What if. What if.
Does any of that sound familiar? Have you ever talked yourself into and out of something in a matter of minutes, maybe even seconds? I call that cycle of thoughts - the hamster wheel. It's just spinning and spinning and it's not going anywhere. We all do it. I do it too. I can talk myself in and out of something so fast. I can honestly see both sides of doing and not doing something. I can justify it all. That's what happens when we live inside our heads. Imagine what could happen if we just made a decision and went with it. How much time would we save? Actual time. And mental exhaustion from hanging out in that hamster wheel.
***Normally the ABOUT WOMEN monthly events are on the 3rd Wednesday of the month. Due to a schedule change, this particular event will be on the 3rd Tuesdayof the month for this event only. Thank you for being flexible.
OH YEAH! It's the 4-year anniversary of the ABOUT WOMEN events. Having different convHERsations each month. Helping each other out. Listening to each other. Not feeling alone. There will be FREE CAKE! And balloons. You can't have a party without balloons.
Courage and confidence are inside of all of us. Sometimes they peek their head out; sometimes they stay deep inside and only make an appearance every once in a while. And when we have C&C, we feel on top of the world. Like nothing can stop us. Then it has the ability to disappear in a heartbeat. We can't be confident and courageous all the time. That's not how these things work.
I feel that women (including myself) feel guilty for a lot of things - - we have work guilt, mom guilt, I'm not doing enough guilt, I'm not working enough guilt, I'm working too much guilt, etc. Then let's throw some shame in on there which is similar but not. We feel like we are not worthy or don't deserve greatness. And then of course, there is denial. Let's just bury it, not talk about it, ignore it, and maybe, just maybe it'll all go away. If we don't deal with it, then it's not there.
What is your comfort zone? Is it easier to stay there than to do something different? It’s called comfort for a reason - it’s comfortable - it’s what we know. But what if that was what is holding us back from trying something new? I feel we are either in "BINGE MODE" or "CLEANSE MODE." All or nothing. There has to be a happy medium in between.
NOTE: ABOUT WOMEN events are normally on the 3rd Wednesday of the month. Due to the 3rd Wednesday being close to the holidays, this month it’s moved to the 2nd Wednesday. We’ll be back on the 3rd Wednesday in 2018.It’s the end of the year. We are wrapping things up...
Insecurities. Seriously - EVERYONE has them. We are all scared of something or fear something. We have doubts and uncertainties. We can be indecisive. We are hesitant on making decisions. What if we pick the wrong one? What if we make the wrong decision? At times, our insecurities can hold us back. It can be debilitating.
We all have that thing in life that is holding us back. Most of the time it is OURSELVES that is holding us back. WE are the ones that are not making awesomeness happen. WE are the ones saying we are not ready or good enough or smart enough or we don’t have enough time or not enough money or [place your reasoning here]. Here’s the deal - we are never going to be ready. We are never going to feel like it. We have to just jump in and do it.
Women are taught to be passive or aggressive but NOT assertive. We are not taught to ask for what we want. We are not taught to ask for help. Society has shown us to be passive and when things don't work out, we get angry and frustrated and wonder why we didn't get what we wanted.
Having regrets in life suuuuucks! No one wants that. Regrets of doing something and especially regrets of NOT doing something. We have to ask ourselves - If I don’t do that thing, will I regret it? But it’s also scary to do things that our out of our comfort zone.
In my Facebook group - Nikki Nigl's ABOUT WOMEN - I have been asking a Question of the Day (QOTD) every day since November 14, 2015. This art exhibit will have every single question since that first day. I have not missed a day. I will be showcasing each and every QOTD from November 14, 2015 - September 8, 2017. 600+ questions! What up!
Ah yes! Denial. It’s so easy to hang out in denial because nothing has to happen there. We don’t have to do anything. We don’t have to admit anything. We don’t have say anything. It’s still. It’s safe. Sounds kind of awesome. Well at least for a little bit. Then at some point, hanging out in denial isn’t cool. Things start to bubble. They start to emerge. Then we might meet denial’s friend guilt and possibly shame. And possibly some other emotions too.
That feeling of stillness and not sure what to do and just feeling stuck. And sometimes it’s not just stuck but it’s STUCK. CAPITAL LETTERS STUCK. Yeah. Let’s talk about this. Let’s have this convHERsation. Whether it’s with our mental state or physical state (Hint: It’s probably both), our job, our career, our family, our friends, our activity, our life path, or all of the above - we get this feeling from time to time.
This is a SUPER SPECIAL event! Please join us. This is the 3rd ANNIVERSARY of ABOUT WOMEN. What up!
First let me say that normally the ABOUT WOMEN events are on the 3rd Wednesday every month but this month it’s on the 2nd Wednesday of the month. Nikki will be out of town the 3rd week of April.
We all feel that our shit isn’t together. And we all think that everyone else has THEIR shit together and we are the ones that are hot messes. No way. We are all works in progress.
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We are all vulnerable. And vulnerable means something different to different people. Men are. Women are. Physically. Mentally. Socially. Emotionally. You name it. And being vulnerable is ok. It’s an aspect of being a human being. We are not robots. What does it mean to you?
Ah yes. Letting go. Easier said than done. But sometimes we do have to let go in order to move forward. We need to learn how to not past stress (and really, not future stress either) and live in the present. Once again, I know, I know, it’s easier said than done.
Sometimes we get a case of the “I don’t wannas” where we just don’t feel like doing something. Work. Exercise. Eating healthy. To-do lists. Anything. Everything. We lose our motivation for these things and more. How do we get our motivation back? How do we move forward? How do we get past the case of the “I don’t wannas”?